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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957179">The privilege of being yours</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smolsized/pseuds/Smolsized'>Smolsized</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, I apologize in advance, I tried to be vague to avoid spoilers but..., M/M, Not A Fix-It, Season 3 Spoilers, but not really?, grieving character, post major character death, there’s only so much you can avoid while writing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:41:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>908</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smolsized/pseuds/Smolsized</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander Erwin was a terrible singer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The privilege of being yours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So season 4 of AOT premiered and I have once again been sucked back onto the Eruri ship. And although I promised myself I would never write them (I’m not the best at writing such complex characters like Levi and Erwin so I try to avoid writing them entirely if only to save myself the embarrassment of failing miserably) I still ended up writing this short piece because I absolutely couldn’t shake the idea and concept.</p>
<p>I tried to leave out many of the other characters to avoid any other spoilers that their appearance may have caused (aside from the main one this fic is centered around) so essentially the only spoilers in this story are for the episodes “Hero” and “Midnight Sun” With that said, I hope you guys enjoy the story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Commander Erwin was a terrible singer. The man was to be considered tone deaf as far as any of his cadets were concerned, and Levi, the only one ever brave enough to go toe to toe with the commander, never missed an opportunity to tell him as much. But even with the complaints and barely contained winces, Erwin still sang all the time. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The man sung in the silence of his office when he and Levi spent restless nights going over paperwork, he hummed —<em>still off-key somehow but anything was better than his singin</em>g— occasionally when they went on missions beyond the wall and he sung to Levi at night, when it was just the two of them in his bed, with Levi tucked against his chest; all droopy eyed and relaxed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somehow despite it, Levi managed to fall asleep to it every time....</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p><br/>
Levi doesn’t get much sleep now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His nights are filled with empty silence and restlessness. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He doesn’t sleep in Erwin’s bedroom anymore. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead, he spends his nights in the office, pouring over paper after paper until his candle’s wick burns out, bathing the room in darkness. That or until he finds himself unable to keep his eyes open anymore, to which he collapses on the chaise lounge sofa in a restless sleep like he use to do before he and Erwin began their song and dance. Only difference now is when Levi wakes up, there’s no blanket draped over him or strong arms carrying him to a warm bed while a terrible offkey humming lulls him back to sleep. Instead, he’s met with a cold draft and an unbareable silence. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Levi—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi was no stranger to loss.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How could he be in this world? How could he be with the way the people he loved and cared about seemed to drop like flies with each passing day? Truth was, Levi had become numb to the feeling of loss a long time ago. After all the death he had endured, grief was something that had become foreign to him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This world gave no time for grief, he realized at the age of eleven as he sat in a room with his mother’s decaying corpse, weak and starving.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And so he learned to turn it off. He learned how to stop caring, or at least how to convince himself that he didn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So he doesn’t understand why he feels like this now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why he feels like he’s drowning and the only person who can save him is—</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He finds for a moment that he regrets it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He regrets not being selfish back on the roof that day. He wishes he had forced the serum down Erwin’s throat if that’s what it took. He wishes, just for a second, that he was back in that moment and disregarded all the thoughts that had flooded his mind of how <em>Erwin wouldn’t want this.</em></p>
<p>Of how <em>Erwin wouldn’t want to spend another thirteen years in this hell as the one thing he despised with his entire being.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erwin would probably hate him for it, but at least he’d still be here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At least he’d still be here <em> with him. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t fair—Erwin was supposed to be<em> different.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erwin was supposed to be the <em> one </em> untouchable thing in Levi’s life. </p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s late, the sun has long since disappeared from the sky and his candle has been burning for hours now. It’s almost out, he notes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Levi sighs to himself before dropping his pen and standing from behind the desk. He picks up the candle holder and heads for the office door. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It closes behind him with a soft click. The hall is dark and eerily quiet as he begins down it, the candle illuminating the path before him. He continues on, the echoes of ghosts filling the silence of his mind as he passes the barracks of fallen cadets. He finds himself stopping at the large door on the far right of the hallway, disconnected from the rest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He enters with hesitation, and the candle burns out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He kisses his teeth, the sound filling the stale air as moonlight filters through the long window. He edges inside, placing the candle holder down on the wooden bedside table once close enough before making his way over to the wardrobe. He opens it and digs around in the dark for a moment until his fingers catch on the familiar leather fabric. He removes it and wordlessly dresses himself in it. The jacket isn’t a long one, usually coming to a stop at the end of the wear’s ribcage but this one drowns Levi. It stops just above his waist and the sleeves hang off his arms by a few inches. When he tucks his nose against the collar of the jacket, he inhales the scent of burning wood and honey, a scent he has long come to associate with <em> home </em>. He closes his eyes and breathes it more deeply for a moment before he’s staggering forward, towards the bed. He just barely manages to kick off his boots before he’s collapsing in the center of the mattress, the framing creaking under his sudden weight. He curls into himself, arms wrapping around one another as he imagines they aren’t his own. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hums to himself in the silence of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hums terribly and off-key all while thinking to himself—<em> this isn’t fair </em>as he finally drifts to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I’m not all too sure if I want to add a second part— (which I have already somehow managed to plan out by the end of this???) — to really conclude this, because this ending feels fitting on its own but on another hand I’m a sucker for happy endings. So it’s all kind of up in the air for now, but with that said I hope this didn’t break anyone’s hearts too bad 😸~gail</p></blockquote></div></div>
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